Self-control For Us Or For Them

Self-control provides what we need in order to behave well, even when others don’t, or even when no one can see us.

The key to happiness in life lies in self-control, in curbing our desire to do what is bad for us.

Why do we behave?

We say no to ourselves when we want to say yes for two reasons, for us and for them.

We behave to live up to personal goals and values.

We behave to please others.

Good behavior stems from selfish desires at least as often as it stems from a wish to meet the expectations of others.

Bad behavior stems from selfish desires at least as often as it stems from a wish to meet the expectations of others.(Pg. 90-91, ”Bad for Us, The Lure of Self-Harm,” John Portmann, Beacon Press, Boston, 2004.)

I remain faithful to my spouse, not so much because I feel I have to, but because I want to be the kind of person who doesn’t cheat.
I do it for myself.
Years pass and I find out my spouse has cheated on me.
I feel devastated but I do not feel I have wasted my fidelity.
All along I was being the kind of person I wanted to be.
If I enter another relationship, I can truthfully say I was always faithful to a person who ultimately cheated on me.
I couldn’t control my spouse’s behavior, but I could control mine.
And I did.
What do you think of this example? Do our personal reasons for our behavior help us when bad things happen in spite of our good behavior?

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 27th, 2005 at 8:54 pm and is filed under Drug Addiction, Drug Rehab. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.