How to exert self-control

Self-control, both emotional and physical is as necessary to getting ahead in business as it is to getting ahead in spiritual life, relationships and health.

Though it may prevent us from some pleasurable experiences, self-control is rarely regretted.

Self-control is about exerting autonomy.

Autonomy is the idea that we can decide for ourselves who to be and what to do.

Who am I?

Pinning down your inner most core values, deciding on what you believe about yourself, takes a lot of work.

Once you believe you are in control and you think you know who you are, you can then ask what do you owe to yourself and others.

Self-control in life is first about what we owe to ourselves and then about what we owe to others, our family, friends, neighbors, political leaders, spiritual leaders or “God”.

Self-control For Us Or For Them

Self-control provides what we need in order to behave well, even when others don’t, or even when no one can see us.

The key to happiness in life lies in self-control, in curbing our desire to do what is bad for us.

Why do we behave?

We say no to ourselves when we want to say yes for two reasons, for us and for them.

We behave to live up to personal goals and values.

We behave to please others.

Good behavior stems from selfish desires at least as often as it stems from a wish to meet the expectations of others.

Bad behavior stems from selfish desires at least as often as it stems from a wish to meet the expectations of others.(Pg. 90-91, ”Bad for Us, The Lure of Self-Harm,” John Portmann, Beacon Press, Boston, 2004.)

I remain faithful to my spouse, not so much because I feel I have to, but because I want to be the kind of person who doesn’t cheat.
I do it for myself.
Years pass and I find out my spouse has cheated on me.
I feel devastated but I do not feel I have wasted my fidelity.
All along I was being the kind of person I wanted to be.
If I enter another relationship, I can truthfully say I was always faithful to a person who ultimately cheated on me.
I couldn’t control my spouse’s behavior, but I could control mine.
And I did.
What do you think of this example? Do our personal reasons for our behavior help us when bad things happen in spite of our good behavior?

Self-Control

On some level many of us know that the biggest obstacle to reaching our personal definition of worldly success or spiritual redemption is ourselves.

We are often bad for us.

When it comes to self control, what people want more than anything else is instruction on how to get more of i

Self Control, the Mystery of Human Experience

Self-control emanates from within us

Drug or alcohol rehab is about supporting you to regain structure in your life and to practice self-control on an hour to hour basis.

Social Support: What it is and Isn’t

Social support is a network of family, friends, colleagues and other acquaintances you can turn to, whether in times of crisis or simply for fun and entertainment.

Social support is not the same as a support group.

Support groups are generally more structured meetings or self-help groups led by health professionals or “peers”.

Why Develop Social Support?

Social support can increase your sense of belonging, purpose and self-worth, promoting positive mental health
People with strong and varied social supports live longer.

Talking with a friend over coffee, visiting a relative or attending a drop in meditation session, can help you through difficult times.

Your friends and social contacts can encourage you to stay free of drugs and alcohol and support you to manage daily emotions such as sadness or depression.

They can also be there to celebrate your successes and you can be there to celebrate theirs.

Social Support

Sometimes just knowing they are there for you is enough to reduce stress and let you get on with living your life
Most important, a new social support network can help you achieve your life goals by providing:
Emotional support
Practical help
Sharing points of view
Sharing information
1)Developing social support: How to cultivate a network of friends to help you through rough times,” Mayo Clinic.com

How to Protect Yourself

It is your job to ensure you get the right medication and only get medication when it is a better alternative than no medication.

To do this you will need to make sure the Doctor or Pharmacist has all the right information about your health
Your medical history.

Your decision not take drugs which will cue you to relapse

How to Manage Medications

To manage prescription and over the counter medication, be a manager of your doctor and pharmacist.

Keep a list of the vitamins, medications and other over the counter drugs you take.

Use the internet and the library to be well informed about any vitamins, medications, herbal remedies or over the counter drugs you take.

After leaving Drug and Alcohol Rehab you may become ill and have drugs prescribed for your illness.

The medications prescribed can interact with prescribed or over the counter medications you may already be taking.

You may have an adverse reaction due to an allergy or other medical condition.

Some of the drugs your doctor prescribes may contain opiods ,amphetamines or other drugs which should be avoided by you as they may lead to relapse.

Most doctors and pharmacists will act in your best interest. They will
Listen attentively to your complaint
Do the appropriate tests to aid in making the best choices
Provide you with the best prescription to manage your illness

Despite their best intentions they can make mistakes because
There are too many drug combinations for anyone to know them all
They may be busy and not listen as carefully as they should
They may not ask you the right questions

Paying Attention To Your Health

They may not have taken into account your former addiction and want to provide you with a drug which cues you to want to use again .

They may not know about other conditions you have or drugs or over the counter medications you are now taking.

You may not have told them what they need to know to make the correct diagnosis or prescription .

They may assume a drug is the best and quickest answer, when for you, exercise, change in diet or the like may be a better alternative to achieve the same outcome

Learn From The Toddler You Were

Have you ever watched a toddler learning to walk?

At first they can’t even crawl, then they try standing
Do you know how many times a toddler falls before he can walk and even when he walks, how many times he falls over? Tons

Many a toddler has a scar from the fall against a coffee table.

Do you know why they don’t give up?
Because of their parent’s encouragement? No
Because they have read a book? No
Because they had post traumatic stress disorder counseling after they hit their head on the coffee table? No

It’s because they want to. . . Walking is a desire they remember every day when they get up. . .

And they laugh and smile when they succeed, they don’t look around to see if someone else is walking better or if someone thinks they’re great..
They walk for the innate joy of standing on their own two feet.

Wouldn’t you like to stand on your own two feet again, without drugs and alcohol and laugh for the joy of it?
You can. .

Have the life you really want after you leave rehab.

Using Peers Effectively

You have the opportunity at a drug or alcohol rehab to learn how to give positive support and to manage difficult people.

Peers at a drug rehab center have the opportunity to help each other do the written exercises, practice verbal skills such as turning down drugs, practice craving management, learn new physical activities and participate in challenging each other to get to the work outs even when they don’t feel like it.

You need to learn how to support others in achieving their goals because when you leave, your support network and family will need your help to move on as well .

Peer support isn’t about complaining and reliving your past and finding more justification to fail.

If you are spending time complaining and blaming instead of practicing and learning, you will fail when you leave drug rehab.

Using Counselors and Support Staff Effectively

When you come to drug rehab you are an expert in denial, dysfunctional beliefs and manipulation.

You can, if you try hard enough, fool some of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you will never be able to fool all of the people all of the time.

So, you can make a commitment to give your best to yourself and others during your time at rehab.

Relapse Prevention Plan

A clear commitment statement and written life goals for the year ahead with clear and compelling reasons

A stress inventory with strategies

A guilt and shame inventory with strategies

A defined support network with strategies for connection

A clear boundary setting plan

A communication skills inventory and plan for improvement

Completion of exercises to improve cognitive skills and address depression, anxiety, anger and twisted thinking.

A written exercise, relaxation and social activity plan.

Cues and craving management plans.

A schedule of daily activities for the first three months after you leave a drug or alcohol rehab center.

Have Compulsory Activities

Compulsory activities after drug or alcohol rehab help you to experience something new and help you to learn to focus on events outside your self.

People in addiction treatment need to learn to carry out new activities that may initially seem pointless but after continued experience help to develop a new way of thinking about yourself and the different activities you can add to your life.

Learning to be okay with new experiences that don’t fit into an addiction lifestyle is essential.

Evidence shows that people with addictions succeed when they develop the skill to try new activities and make them a part of their life to replace and fill the void left when drug and alcohol activities are removed

In reality when first in rehab most clients would continue their old behaviors and not voluntarily try new ones.

Without planned activities clients sit, smoke, crave, wait to leave, spend time thinking of ways to get drugs and alcohol back into their life or think of excuses they use to relaspe.

Long periods of boredom and loneliness lead to relapse.

Research shows that action comes before motivation and so most drug rehab programs ensure that you take actions to allow you to build the motivation to continue and succeed.