All people change. We are familiar with the way children change through their physical growth and the development of their personality.
We are, however, less aware of the ways adults change.
These changes are less obvious because they are slower
Depending on your age, think back five, ten or twenty years ago. Have your attitudes, your expectations of life, your self-confidence and your interests changed?
Change for adults is gradual, but is still very real. Because adults change, their relationships also change
How much have you changed since you came through drug rehab? Do you think this change will affect your relationships?

Types of Relationship Change

All relationships change
It is important for couples to realise this, and to be ready for change. Otherwise, perfectly normal changes in their relationship may be seen as a threat or disappointment and lead to tension and difficulties
Three types of change occur:
changes in the pattern of the relationship
changes caused by the stage of life the couple have reached
changes caused by some of the events that can occur in anyone’s life, such as the death of a family member

As you become healthier and more sober you must be prepared for the changes this will affect in your relationships. I will spend the next few days discussing these changes.

To Control Yourself and Influence Others

Use many different descriptions of the same thing
An idea becomes convincing if you see it in a number of different forms
Write your goals
Make them into plaques
Paint them
Represent them in pictures
Write them in a song
Have someone else read them to you
Have them printed on a Tee shirt
Use resources and rewards
Your and other people’s minds can be changed if rewards and resources such as time are used to succeed in your goals
Spend time on working on the goals
Dedicate time to thinking and talking about them
Give up other things so you can have money to spend on your plan
Develop rewards for yourself that have meaning such as a new dress when you have clocked 10,000 miles on your pedomRecognize resistance
Any effort to change encounters resistance
It is easy and natural to change your mind and behaviors when you are young
A toddler rarely resists learning to walk instead of crawl, to run instead of walk
As we age and live we develop strong views and perspectives that are resistant to change
Any effort to change must consider resistances

Scan Your Environment For Chances To Learn and Behave Differently

Remember how you used to scan for drugs or alcohol, opportunities to score or use.

There is an opportunity for you to learn or to teach every time you look for it.

To Control Yourself and Influence Others

Appeal to the cognitive or thinking part of the mind.
Use reason: reason can involve sheer logic, the use of analogies or stories, creation of visual information, a chart, a picture.
Use research: identify relevant information and use your judgment about whether it warrants you or someone else to change their mind.
Appeal to the affective or feeling part of the mind.

Use resonance: find and use a view, idea, or perspective that resonates or feels right to you, seems to fit the current situation, and convinces the person or yourself that further considerations are not necessary. . . You’re convinced!

You Can’t Control Other People But You can Influence Them

You can influence other’s behaviors, beliefs and actions.

By emanating physical health and strength.

You Can Be Ready For the Unexpected

Everything that can go wrong does go wrong . . . Sound familiar? Then get ready for the unexpected:
Having a degree may not guarantee a job but if the opportunity comes along it increases your chances of getting one.
Worried about if someone finds out about your past addiction: have an answer ready, practice it, set your boundaries.

Treat Every Opportunity as a Learning Opportunity

Think certain drug rehab classes don’t apply to you?

Go anyway, if you lose your job you may need the one on employment.

Go anyway, if you already know the topic, maybe you can help the presenter by clarifying questions, maybe you could help the guy next to you who is struggling.

Go anyway, if not for the topic then to practice reading body language or to practice self-control, doing things we don’t necessarily want to do.

The Addiction Experience as a Life Learning Experience

Take the time now to list the strengths that you developed while living through your experience of addiction
Which of these can you now draw on?

Patience
Humility
Foresight
Ability to withstand physical and emotional pain
Tolerance for those less fortunate

What is Outside My Control?

Most of your life is outside your direct control

You can’t control other people, the death rate due to cancer, the weather, the economy, accidents, the stars

You can most of the time control yourself

You can influence others

You can be prepared for many possibilities

You Already Know How to Develop Extremely Powerful Self-Control

You can achieve the goals you have set out in your life plan if you provide yourself the reasons, structure and supports to achieve and strengthen your self-control in a new direction.

You exerted extreme self-control when you were using, you got up even when you were tired and sick as a dog to find another hit.

Now you know you can get to group on time even when you are tired or feeling sick so you can get the skills you need.

You exerted self-control in setting aside time to plan ahead to have enough alcohol to get you through the long weekend.

Now you know you can plan ahead to lose weight and find motivation to get to Yoga and to the weight room.

Think about it, if you could exert self-control to stay in the addiction life style, you still have the self control skills, they aren’t gone.

You Have Self-Control

You have exhibited self-control that other people only dream of having.

The difference is you used them for the wrong goals and for the wrong value system.

You made a mistake.

Now, clarify your vision and goals and set up the structures so you will succeed.

You found dealers, now find mentors.

You helped someone inject, now help the person next to you at the table to clarify their goals.

You found the self control to manage an addiction, now you have no excuse not to use those skills for something else in your life