What is the main purpose of drug and alcohol rehab? Simply, to change the patterns of addiction that no longer serve you. The next question I’d like to pose, is this a journey or a destination? Is there a “touchdown” of rehab or sobriety. Is there any point along this road that you can say, well that’s it, “I’ve got addiction licked,” time to move on to the next goal. Chances are for most people they would see addiction and it’s treatment more like a journey than a destination. If there is no true ending point, setting smaller measurable goals become much more important. Planning for rewards for their accomplishment is also just as important.

Often I hear people say, doing the right thing is it’s own reward. I don’t need some “treat” to keep me motivated. I’m above all that. Statements like these seem to miss the real reason for rewards. They are not meant to be some buscuit or snack that is used like training a dog. Rewards are purely meant as a celebration. We are so quick to condemn and pick apart what we do. We can all quickly point out all our mistakes and errors in are actions and behaviors. We are not so good at congratulating ourselves when we succeed. When we honor our commitments we really do need to celebrate. Especially in drug and alcohol rehab. The thing about celebrating our victories is that it gives them a chance to become real in our mind. This will increase the chance of continuing down this path of improvement.

Rewards don’t have to be selfish either. When you come through on something you have been struggling on, you may chose to buy a friend a book you think they may like. Write in the front the reason why you have purchased it for them and tell them why they are important to you and why you want to share this moment with them. In rehab, I’m not just talking about “time served” goals. Instead of stuff like, 30 days clean, how about a goal of first conversation with my family filled with joy? First time I talked with my kids clean and clear. First time I helped someone with no benefit to me. Send thank-you cards to those who have helped you as a way to celebrate. Look for ways to reward and celebrate the acheivements of the other clients in the rehab center with you.

All change is a journey, rehab and addiction treatment is no different. Don’t wait to the very end to celebrate.

All the lectures you attend in alcohol and drug rehab won’t be perfect. Not all of them will be totally interesting and captivating. Some of the lectures you sit through might actually be a little on the boring side. I understand this. Still I find it frustrating some times, when people zone out and doodle, or wisper jokes to eachother and engage in all sorts of time wasting and desruptive behaviors. This does not mean, it is not up to the rehab center to make the drug and alcohol program and interesting and up to date as humanly possible. Rehabs have an obligation to do this. The obligation also extends to cover as many topics and provide a wide array as possible of information so as to give the client seeking addiction treatment, the best possible chance at sobriety.

This means, likely you will sit through some parts of some lectures that may not be pertainant to your addiction situation, or may not apply directly to you. I’m asked many times, “Why should I have to listen to this stuff?” It’s not part of my “problem”. I have a simple and direct answer to this. GET OVER IT! I’T NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! There are people in the group who do need this stuff. By being disruptive during the lectures at rehab, you are belittling their problem. There also may be a moment when a friend in rehab, someone who has helped you, asks a question about something in their life. Maybe you could help them, more than a counselor, because they feel safe with you and trust you. But the information they require was something you didn’t think was neccessary for you so you “doodled” right past it. Rehab is not just about getting sober. Rehab is about acquiring a new set of behaviors that will lead you in a new better direction with your life. Ask yourself a better question. What can I learn from this lecture and help someone with? Now that is a great question. Why do I have to sit through this boring drug and alcohol lecture? This is a loser question that goes nowhere. Respect your drug rehab program. Respect the lecturers. Respect your fellow clients in rehab. Most of all, start to repect yourself and demand more than the average or easy. This is your rehab experience. This is your life. Get the most out of both.

Being in alcohol and drug rehab at the beginning is a real chance to put a giant band-aid on your life. So many areas of your life are not working because of your addiction and the problems it creates. Rehab is a place to be safe. Rehab is a place to heal. This is especially true for family relationships that have been damaged by addicition and addictive behaviors.

During the first 2 to 3 weeks, keep the contact to a minimum, from both sides. Any phone calls should be short, and basic. I’m o.k. I’m working hard. I love you, and that’s it. Don’t get into specifics. Don’t bitch about the rehab or people in it. Start a new pattern. Let stuff heal, wait til your head clears and the addiction program starts to talk about how to mend and repair broken realtionships. Mostly, let your actions do all your talking. If you focus on the hard work of rehab and start to get your mind and body back to a healthy state, you won’t have to tell anyone. They will hear it in the clarity of your voice and thinking. They will tell in a single glance when you start to workout and rebuild your strength.

After poeple are noticing the change in you, is a much better time to take relationships to a new healthier plane. Rehab is a break from the real world. Practice and role play with other clients approaching your family in areas that has always resulted in difficulties in the past. Ask for suggestions of some new ways to approach and discuss feelings with family. Use the band-aid that drug rehab can create to the fullest. Fix yourself first, then tackle how you fit in the rest of the world.

Drug and alcohol rehab is intensive hard work. Addiction treatment requires focus and drive. Most times it involves extended stays away from home for 30 to 90 days and even longer. During this period the majority of your effort must be directed at changing the addiction and stopping the drug and alcohol abuse. However, no one can focus on just rehab for 24 hours a day, & days a week, for several months. You will burn out. Your brain will stop listening and learning.

This is why a large number of rehab centers have a fitness component to give your mind a break. Even so there will still be times daily where you just can’t handle any more talk about addiction and treatment. I think again this is why so much time is spent around card tables at rehab. The mind needs diversity to function. Is cards the best alternative choice you have? Why not pick something else that you always wanted to learn. How about learning another language while you are in a rehab program? There are lots of great beginners programs on c.d. You could also choose a topic that you need to learn more about in your career and read 5 books on it while doing your rehab program. It’s like you have the time and you need the mental break so it can be a “free” component to your addiction treatment. Mastering or learning a new skill is also a great remedy to depression and boredom, which will just be plain healthy for you.

There is nothing wrong will socializing with the other clients at rehab. It is important. Hours of playing cards isn’t. Pick a new skill you can teach yourself, and master it for free while you are dealing with your addiction.

Alcohol and drug rehabs have no miracle cures. Even the most experienced and gifted couselor has no magic bullets. Addiction and changing it is a choice. Many clients and their sponsors ask about possible outcomes. What are the success rates with your program? How often to people leave before finishing rehab? How long does the average person stay clean? These questions may give someone an idea of the “odds” of success, depending on how each rehab defines success. The problem with this is people are not a “probability”. They are individuals. Individuals have one absolutely amazing power. It is a magic bullet, or it can be a deadly bullet. It is the power of choice. Nobody can make someone “choose” the right thing to do. It doesn’t matter how much you care for someone or love them, you cannot “love” them to sobriety.

The most frustrating thing about working with addicition is that choice can either destroy the best laid plans, or rescue the worst. Even the worst rehab in the world has success stories. The client chose to walk through the door of sobriety and fight for it all costs. Unfortunately even the best rehab in the world has failures. If someone doesn’t want to change, or has linked change to something worse than death, in their own mind we can’t fix them. We can only keep open doors, supply information, and wait for a better decision. There is no point getting angry and destroying relationships. Choice is the one thing no rehab can supply.

When someone wants to leave a drug and alcohol rehab program, before they are finished, what can be done? Most times, it is best to keep talking. Work with the person to look forward towards their goals. If they say they have none, ask them to imagine they had goals, what would they be. Ask what are they afraid of? Ask what can they do so they can stay and try one more day?

The difficult part of all of this is when the family is insisting we push harder to keep the person. While everyone understands the dangers of someone who is still actively addicted leaving a rehab program early, most times there is little a rehab can do but talk, talk and talk. We have no power, to force an adult to stay. When someone demands to leave, we have to accomodate them. We cannot withhold phones, or “lock” someone in a room til they come to their senses. Yet many times family and friends ask us to do this. People are free. Unfortunately theat means they are free to make bad choices. No rehab wants anyone to leave before they are ready. No rehab wants people to go back to unsafe drug and alcohol activities. We must however allow people to leave if that is their wish, no matter how upsetting it is to all involved.

There is lots of joy and happiness in alcohol and drug rehab. Really there is. Most people find the first 10 days a big, big struggle. Even though there are struggles and lot of them, the key is to find peace and fulfilment in this journey and you can be happy today, even if it is the roughest day of your rehab journey. It boils down again to focus and definitions. Believe it or not, you can define joy to be anything you want it to be. You could be saying right now that this idea is a joke, stupid and silly. Wait one minute. In you drug or alcohol addiction you have already done this. At some point in your journey with drugs and alcohol you have decided to link joy with their use. It may have been intially after you started to use, or even at some point in abuse. Sometime in your life you linked using drugs equals fun. So now is the time to make a different association.

What would be wrong with writing a meaning to joy that would support you in rehab, even in your darkest hour. What if you decided to make the defination of joy, the pursuit of a worthwhile goal. How about joy is felt only during change. We all have inner definitions for all the feelings and emotions we feel. We have decided in our head what funny is for instance. Many people have decided jokes about race and sex are disgusting and derogatory. Others find it funny. You have the right to decide your own definitions, and those definitions will determine your direction and what you feel. Today, right now decide for yourself the conditions you will feel joy. You will set up a joy cycle in your life. Once you start, all of your rehab will be filled with joy. Rehab is a second chance. That is joy.

Sometimes it is necessary in drug and alcohol rehab for both the husband and wife to go for addiction treatment. Living togerther with the same lifestyle, likely means the same result, often with an addiction to the same drug. This leads to the obvious need to seek treatment at the same time. If just one person seeks help and returns to their spouse who is still addicted the odds of relapse are very high. This leads to the question of is it better to go to the same center, or is it better to go to different centers.

Firstly, not all drug rehab centers will accept couples. The reasoning is that most rehabs have rules against relationships between male and female clients and having a couple presents a new set of problems with those rules. Some centers will accept couples, but only as two “singles”, and the couple must not sleep together, and must follow all the rules as everyone else. Thirdly there are a few rehab centers that will accept couples as a couple, and allow them to stay together, in the same room as they seek treatment.

Each of the three available options has some benefits and some drawbacks. Going to different locations has the benefit of allowing each person in the couple to seek unique treatment, without having to deal with the stress of maintaining the relationship during the rehab. They can concentrate solely on getting better and not have to worry about how the partner may be coping or doing on any particular day. The drawback is of course being apart. Trust issues may arise, as well as the worry of growing in different directions while apart.

The second situation presents the difficulty of being close to someone you love, but not being able to hug, kiss and touch as normal. Also it present the difficulty of being totally honest about how your relationship may be affecting your addiction treatment, with your spouse present all the time. If you are chosing this rehab situation, you must be confident you can support the rules. Being asked to leave the rehab because you broke boundary rules helps no one.

The last possible combination has the main advantage of having your spouse for support, as well as both knowing exactly what changes have taken place in rehab, and what you both have to do to prevent relapse. The downside is that issues in the relationship may overshadow getting sober, which is the main goal. Also it is highly unlikely both spouses will progress at the same rate, which when bunking together, may present another set of problems.

If both members of a couple are addicted, both should seek treatment at the same time. Please think long and hard before making your decision whether to rehab at the same place, or different centers.

Obviously the most important thing in drug and alcohol rehab is to get and stay sober. Left unchecked, drug and alcohol addiction will destroy you and your life. It has the potential to kill you. So when you unpack your bags at a drug rehab center, your focus must be totally on the steps required on changing this distructive pattern. Learning to live a life filled with other wonderful things instead of drugs, requires a lot of different steps. One is structure. Though I have mentioned this many times before, I will repeat it again as it is just so important. Structure is simply having scheduled things to do, everyday so you don’t have a lot of time on your hands with nothing to do. A job is structure. Courses are structure. Meetings are structure. The other thing most people with an addiction must do is deal with some form of depression. Depression is more dangerous for relapse, as if left untreated or resolved, it leads to increased stress in you life and stress is the major cause of relapse.

So exercise is one of the few things that combats both of these concerns at the same time. Exercise is nature’s natural anti-depressant. It also give you something to do with the pent up anger and stress of first going to drug rehab. REGULAR exercise, preplanned in a superb form of structure in your life. Planning a particular time everyday to work out, means one less hour a day to worry about using drugs. It is an activity that is easy to find groups filled with health minded people to form friendships with. If you have ever joined a “running” group you will attest to the fact, after working out they all go for a protein shake, and a bran muffin, not beers and chicken wings.

Exercise will change your body for the better. This will also help with decreasing depression and stress in yor life. There are lot’s of great fitness makeover programs out there, designed around a 90 day period. Bill Phillip”s Body for Life, is one I highly recommend. Plus, a heathy body will be tangible evidence to your family and friends that you have taken your drug and alcohol treatment very very seriously. So go ahead, and build an new inner you at rehab. Throw in a great new body, just for the fun of it.

Dealing with anger in a drug and alcohol rehab center is a common occurance. When people have just recently stopped using the drug of their choice and are squarely confronting their addiction, most are irritable and somewhat “short tempered”. While allowances are made to a certain degree for this behavior, drug rehab is communal living. As such it is important to control the emotion of anger, and point it at the appropriate outlets so everyone can feel safe and learn together.

When you find yourself getting angry and frustrated especially in the first two weeks of rehab, remember this is common and a sign of drug withdrawl. The important thing is to focus on what is important. Ask yourself . “What am I REALLY mad at?” When your mind gives you a quick response, take a deep breath and pause, then ask yourself again, “Is that what I’m really mad at, or might it be something else?”

Here’s an example to illustrate. Suppose you have been at rehab for 7 or 8 days. There is a group session slated for 10:00 a.m. You are not feeling well, and you arrive for group 10 minutes late. The leader of the group points out your tardiness and reminds you to be on time for the next group. Inside you well up with anger for being singled out. You ask yourself the first question, “What am I really mad at?” You answer comes back, “this rehab has too many stupid rules. They don’t care about me. They just care about these stupid rules.”

Now pause. I said pause, take a deep breath, take another, and ask the second question. If you ask yourself, “is it something else?”, you might come up with the real reason. Most likely you are mad and frustrated at the drug and the addicition that is so uncomfortable to get over. You might be mad at yourself for letting yourself get in this position. When you are sure at what you are angry and frustrated at use it wisely. Use the anger at the drug to “hate” it and push it far from your life. If you are angry at yourself, refocus and use that energy to push yourself through those moments of discomfort that come with change. The point is you are not angry at the rule of starting groups on time to be fair to everyone. Anger can be useful if it is controled and directed at the real source. This is especially true in the first few weeks of drug and alcohol rehab.