Every drug and alcohol rehab center some has clients relapse and come back to their program.  While every situation is unique there are some commonalities in these clients who return.  The number one is that stress was involved.  Uncontrolled stress always, or almost always precludes relapse.

I have stated this over many times in may previous days.  What I haven't discussed a lot is that usually one or two lies are  also at the base of a relapse.  Most times an over load of day to day stress causes some decision to a behavior, which not wholly on its own is bad, the bahavior is at least questionable.  It is the lie about the behavior, or simply pretending it did not happen, that sets up the cycle of increased stress which leads to more "grey" behavior, and soon a relapse has occured.

Total truth is the light that keeps relapse from growing.  A slip can only grow to a relapse with the help of a lie or two.  Lying is stressful, even for the most practiced in the art of deception.  One client who returned with a relapse informed me that one lie to a significant other was the ultimate cause of the return to drug and alcohol use.  The reason is simple.  There can never be just one lie.  One lie always needs another and another to support it.  Maintaining 3 or 4 lies is very very stressful, especially to someone you care about. 

The simple answer is there can be no long term sobriety without truth.  Telling the truth will do more to decrease the stress in your life than anything else.

Being in a drug or alcohol rehab program is often the result of many, many decisions, events, circumstances and random chance.  This can lead to a "story".  Stories are often filled with many sad, cruel and unfair events.  Drug and alcohol abuse is often justified by the person explaining he or she is a victim of the past.

While in the "victim" mentality, the person may waste more and more of their life looking for a reason.  They are often looking for closure.  The problem is often the reason is never a good enough reason, to satisfy them.  However the real truth is that most people are doing the best they can at any particular moment.  There are no real victims.  This is not to say there are not negative or bad things happening in peoples lives.  But the person themselves must make the label of victim.  The person themselves must make the label of loser, or the label of being decieved.  The events of the world come with no labels.  They are just there. 

Victims lock their lives in the past.  The solution is to create meanings and labels that empower yourself with out judging others and making them wrong.  Examine the quality of your efforts in a situation, not the results or the efforts of others.  You have the right to assign any meaning you want to any event in your life.  Choose positive ones and move on to a new and  more empowered life.

In a drug and alcohol rehab program sometimes the question is postulated about if you need to have had an addiction to truly understand what a person goes through, so you can really help them.  Some people say only ex-addicts can help other addicts.  It is an interesting thought, but does it really have any validity?

A person who has had a long and varied addiction is just that, a person who may be an expert in the addictive experience.  They are not an expert in getting sober and staying there.  They may have changed their life and found a path to sobriety, but it is not the only path to get there.  It may not be the most successful route, it is just their route.  The reason I point this out is that often, with all the good intentions in the world, someone who has found sobriety may try to convince someone to go down the path they followed on the assumption that if it worked for me, it will most likely work for you.

There is a basic problem with this.  They may not exactly know what exactly worked for them, only what they think worked for them.  Often the first 2 to 3 weeks of sobriety are confusing, and while comming off of various drugs, not all that clear.  What they remember about the experience may not be exactly what happened at all.  Plus they are many other paths to sobriety, and they may only offer one,(their's) to those they council.

This is why anyone who wishes to work in the field of rehab have some education, training, or experience other than simply their own path.  One must be able to offer several solutions to someone struggling to find the answer to sobriety in their life, not just the one that worked for you.

The other issue is one of safety.  Many people very early in their sobriety, wish to help others and want to work in a rehab facility.  This is just not wise.  The constant discussions about drugs and alcohol may cue they to reuse.  Also working in a rehab can be a very stressful situation, and stress is the number one cause of relapse. 

People entering a drug and alcohol rehab program deserve educators and councilors with a varied and unbiased approach and opinions.  I think that is very difficult if your are early in your sobriety, and have litttle experience or training.  It is most likely easier for someone with no personal history of addiction to be unbiased in their approach and opinions.

Being in a drug and alcohol rehab center away from your special someone might be a little lonely and disheartening for some.  The day may even be more sad for those who looking back realizing how many relationships or loves that have been lost to their addiction.  This is a normal reacton for a lot of us.  Take heart though.  If you are in a rehab, you are sober for this Valentine's Day and that alone is cause for celebration.  You are not using drugs or alcohol to numb and painful emotions you are feeling.  You are actually experiencing them and letting them teach you and guide you.

If you have someone special in your life while you are in rehab, stop and think how wonderful it is there is someone out there waiting for the new and improved version of yourself.  Giving your wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend or significant other a focused and happy spouse is about the best Valentine's Day gift ever.  Beats the heck out of candy, cards and flowers any day of the week.

In drug and alcohol rehab, just like in the rest of life it is hard not to get drawn into other people's agendas and games.  In rehab because of the communal living and closeness, it might at times even be more difficult.  Many times there is no correct answer when someone has an agenda.  What ever you say will be wrong.  They will take wantever you bring forward and turn it against you.  Sometimes they will agrue simply to keep something going at all cost.

If you have someone with an agenda in your life or sphere, what can you do, to not get drawn into their game?  The first thing to realize is that it is a game.  Stop and think about how this game serves them and their needs.  See the game as something they do to avoid painful confrontation and the truth.  It is so easy to draw someone else in and then critisize their actions rather than looking honestly and with discernment at their own true direction.

You can also try to ask some quality questions.  These involve things like, how does this line of thought ultimately serve you and your goals in life?  What is the real purpose here and what do you really want for an outcome from this? 

The other thing that is critical when dealing with people with agendas is to not get deflected off your own path.  Remember your own purpose and outcome.  Do not get drawn into their drama.  Be clear about judgment and gossip.  Focus on what is important for the changes necessary in your own life.  Stay away from games.

One of the largest benefits someone can receive from a drug and alcohol rehab program is to make space for new things in their life.  If you truly want change to take place in your life you must make room for it.  You have to remove old behaviors if there is to be new ones take their place.  Old habits are too powerful and ingrained to be easily pushed aside.  If you go to a situation where the behaviors are not tolerated, then they have to be changed.  You remove the choice of using drugs, so you don't use.

With the safety of a drug and alcohol rehab center you have the time to choose the behaviors you want to replace the old ones.  In the hustle of day to day time you may not have all the time you require to think about exactly what kind of person you want to be.  You have to work and take care of the myriad of details in our society.  This is not so in a drug rehab.  You have time.  The safety of a rehab allows you to take a large breath, and then just sit with choices.  Over a period of time you can start to choose the path you want to follow.

You have to remove old clothes to make room in a closet for new ones to wear.  Do the same in your life.  A good alcohol and drug rehab program is one of the safest and easiest places to do this.

Drug and alcohol addiction are learned behaviors.  Before experimenting with any drug or alcohol, a non user is always taught by someone who is experienced with the drug or alcohol.  They are taught what they will feel when they use the drug.  They are taught how to take the drug.  They are taught where to find the drug.  They are taught how to handle the side effects of the drug and how to handle coming down, and the hangovers.  They are taught the language of drug use.

The job then of a good drug and alcohol rehab center is to teach a new set of behaviors.  If someone has the tools to learn how to be addicted, then they are also capable of learning the tools to live sober and full of life.  A quality rehab program is much more about education than anything else.  Discussions of the past are interesting, and somwhat useful, but learning the new coping and communication skills of a sober person are much more critical.  You learned to be an addict.  Now take the time to learn to be sober.

Anyone who has attended a drug or alcohol rehab center probably has made a few mistakes in their life.  In fact often the guilt of past actions continues to add stress in the present moment and will most likely aid in the continuation of the addiction.  In other words remorse and pain over old wounds leads to more drug and alcohol use today.

One of the keys to forgiveness and being able to move past this cycle of pain and stress is to move away from judgement.  Right away let me be clear that I am not saying to move away from responsibility.  We are all 100% responsible for our actions even when we are affected by drugs and alcohol.  What I suggest is we start to move away from is judging actions as good or bad.  Stop looking at past experiences as failures.  Judgement leads to people not being in the present moment.  It leads to guilt about the past and fear of the future.  Instead consider moving towards discernment instead.  If you look at your past experiences with discernment , you will see behaviors that serve you and ones that do not.  If you look at it as replacing behaviors that no longer serve you with ones that do, you will stay out of the paralysis of guilt.  You will stay present, and focused on what you can do, not what you have done.  Drug and alcohol rehab treatment is about change.  It cannot occur when anchored to the history of the past.