After a client left a drug and alcohol rehab center they e-mailed in some comments.  One that I found particularily interesting was that in the time that was spent in drug rehab they were very happy to have never been referred to as an addict the whole time they were in the program.  They were pleased about the forward focus and the chance for change.  I was very happy for this person.

I guess I would like to state the obvious here.  What is an addict?  Are there any in a drug and alcohol rehab center?  Someone who is experiencing an addictive experience is someone who is presently doing several behaviors.  One is they are using drugs and alcohol.  Number two is they are unable to control the usage or stop.  Number three is they are out of control and are lying and deceiving others about their usage and activities. 

Someone who is in a drug and alcohol rehab program is not using.  They have stopped.  They are following a daily schedule of learning and practise.  They are not lying and deceiving others.  In other words there would be no need to call someone an addict in rehab.  They are simply someone improving their life.  Something we all need to do.

Most drug and alcohol rehab centers have a busy schedule for the clients.  As in all things in life, some say it is too busy, some say it is too slow.  The time scheduled for learning and activities has to be sufficient to provide the structure required to get through the tough first days.  Without adequate structure clients will fail and leave at a higher rate.  The tighter the time planned the easier it is to get through.

My personal opinion is that it can never be too full.  The more skills that are practiced the better chance of incorporating them in day to day life.  Sometimes it is useful to have time to think about things, but in the time before a client comes to a rehab center they usually have had lots of time to think.  They have the rest of their life to process things.  At a drug rehab center they have to learn how to stay sober and practice the skills to reduce stress in their life.  Busy is better.  Look for a full schedule at a rehab center.  You'll be better off down the road.

When attending an alcohol and drug rehab center sometimes clients have trouble asking for what they really want.  I'm not talking about a different type of orange juice.  Often people who arrive at a drug and alcohol rehab program have difficulty feeling they are worthy of what they want.  They have watered down their dreams.  They are willing to settle for so much less in their life than they are capable of.

The other thing is that with the stigma of addicition and the legal issues that have happened as the result of addiction they feel they will never get to their goal anyway.  So they don't even bring it up.  Instead they set goals and make plans for what they think they can get.  Having a criminal record can make joining certain careers very difficult.  However, nothing is impossible.  Many times it is possible to work in a very closely related field that would give you the same types of feelings as doing the job of your dreams. 

You have to be willing to put your real dreams out there.  Drug rehab is meant to be a safe place to change and dream.  When people are passionately following their dreams, it is so much easier to stay away from drugs and alcohol.  You will be surprised at the support you will find if you honestly and truly state what you really want to do in your life.  Take a chance and let people know.

In a drug and alcohol rehab program things or behaviors from the past always surface.  Many of them are things that we are not proud of.  Often this can lead to feeling of guilt.  There is nothing evil or cruel about guilt.  It is a guide post to remind us to change. 

If you are in a drug and alcohol rehab center, then you are changing.  You are using the guilt for what it was designed for.  However you must also decide on when to stop feeling guilty about an event and move past it.  If you have stopped doing a behavior for a predetermined period of time (you decide), and have made whatever amends you feel are possible, (again you decide) then it is time to stop feeling guilty about this event. 

If you have truly stopped and made amends then it is time to end your sentence of self punishment.  It is time to be proud that you were able to look honestly at an uncomfortable event and deal with it to the best of your ability.  You did not hide or bury it.  While at a drug rehab program you can ask your counselors for assistance in determining how to accomplish this conversion.  Once you learn how to do it, you can do it with as many past events as you feel it required for. 

When a client first comes to an alcohol and drug rehab center there are high expectations from everyone.  The client is hopeful that this is the way out of the addictive maze they have been stuck in.  The family and friends are hopeful and excited that there loved one may finally get back on track.  The rehab center is excited and hopeful at the chance to work with another person and assist them in the change in lifestyle they want.

Thankfully for the most part for most of the times the result is positive.  This is what everyone hoped for and desired.  However when there isn't sucess often the blame game results.  Everyone starts pointing the finger at eachother and saying the other person dropped the ball.  This truly is a waste of time.  Even when things don't work there is a possibility that seldom gets discussed….that nobody dropped the ball.  The client could have given everything they had.  The rehab center could have tried very hard and had a good program.  The friends and parent did the right things and helped choose a great center. 

If this is possible, the only valid question is what can be done next?  From what happened in the last experience, what might be done differently next time?  When you have the answers to those questions, you move forward and try again. 

It is rather ironic that at a drug and alcohol rehab center one of the largest hurdles to a new a better life is simply yourself.  I'm sure millions of years ago when we were facing life with spears, rocks and not much else, having a negative voice in your head was an advantage.  Having someone chat endlessly about the possibility of danger at every turn, was incredibly useful and there WAS DANGER around every corner.  However in modern day life there is just are not that many tigers hiding in the bush ready to pounce and eat you.

When it comes to change, even a great change like stopping drug and alcohol abuse, this little voice in your head can really be a disservice.  It places doubt and worry in your path.  Somehow I think the purpose of this voice is to keep you wandering too much into the unknown.  Thousands of years ago the unknown was a truly dangerous place.  Today it is not.

You can deal with the voice by simply using a well known technique for dealing with objections.  Any person with any sort of sales training at all, knows it.  It is called, FEEL, FELT,FOUND.  Say the voice in your head tells you that you will never make it through the discomfort of withdrawl.  Start with. "Mr Voice, I understand how you FEEL.  Others facing withdrawl FELT the same way.  What they FOUND was by going to a place that knew how to manage the discomfort it wasn't anything near as bad as they thought."  Just repeat this a often as your voice tell you that you cannot do something.  The great thing about this is that you are convincing yourself at the same time as you are dealing sith that stupid little negative voice.  Try it.  It's kind of fun.  Everyone needs something fun to do in rehab.

Anyone involved in an addictive lifestyle has had exposure to risky behaviors and risk taking activity.  For a drug and alcohol rehab program this presents an interesting problem.  Firstly there must be some work to curb these types of activities.  If one takes enough risks, by simply appying the law of averages, sooner or later they will end up hurt. 

Selling drugs, stealing, prostitution all will ultimately end in heartbreak, pain and trouble.  If you spend enough time alone in a rough neighbourhood, you will end up robbed, rolled or worse.  If you drink and drive sooner or later you will hurt somebody.  Yet people involved alcohol and drug addiction often take these risks daily.

What needs to happen is to focus this ability to take risks and channel it in a much more positive direction.  Some of the above actions take nerves of steel and self confidence.  There are much more productive ways to become self confident, but to deny self confidence has been gained is foolhardy.

Many times someone mired in addiction will comment they dont have the courage to change, or they use drugs because they lack self confidence.  I would argue this is not true.  What they need is to look at their abilities and realize they are just using them in the wrong way.  They have the courage to change.  They have the courage to ask for a job.

Drug and alcohol rehab is a safe place to try these changes.  It is risky to change and live your life in a real and authentic manner.  There will be days of pain, disappointment, and hard work.  Just don't tell me you lack the courage and self confidence to try, I don't believe it.

Getting someone to enter a drug and alcohol rehab center is not usually an easy task.  Sometimes the client is willing and excited and finds a center they want on their own.   In such cases the only issue is how to pay for the treatment center.  Other times it involves getting someone to see the bigger picture about their life and where they are headed.

A lot of times people will tell us to leave them alone, when really what they are saying is I'm lost and I'm embarassed about it.  I don't know how to find my way out of this mess.  Of course there are truly times when the person means leave me alone.   How do you tell the difference?

I recommend you use the end of life test.  Imagine you are living your very last day on earth.  You are comfortable,  and looking back on your life.  Then you remember this incident.  Are you happy and satisfied with the result?  Are you glad with what you said and the effort you put forth?  Do you have any regrets about what you said or didn't say?  Most times if you were looking back at the people you really cared about you would say and do things a little differently. 

Don't leave things unsaid.  Let someone know you care.  Let someone know you thing they are valuable and worthwhile.  Let them know you are there to help them find their way out of this mess.  Let them know you don't judge, you just love.  With support and love people will choose a better choice.  Drug and alcohol rehab will help them out of the space they are in.  help someone you love get there.

After leaving a drug and alcohol rehab center the key for the first 3 months is structure.  I was asked for a clear definition of what structure was so I though I would give a quick post to this subject.  Structure for the purpose of drug and alcohol rehab in the treatment of addiction involves a couple of things. 

Firstly is must be planned in advance.  This means at least 3 days before.  It doesn't count as true structure if you think about in the afternoon and then do it in the evening.  To be safe you need to have you schedule planned several days in advance.  One week ahead is ideal.  This way if something falls apart  you have time to fill it by pulling ahead activities palnned for other days.

Secondly is that it isn't structure if they don't notice when you don't show up.  Working out with a partner is structure.  If you don't meet them at the gym, they will phone you and ask what is up?  Working out by yourself isn't structure.  If you don't go who is going to know?

Thirdly is that it must be regular.  Going to one concert isn't structure.  Going with a friend once a month to a concert on a regular date is structure.  The more regular the activity, the better structure it provides.  Volunteering to coach kids is wonderful structure.  Having to be somewhere everyday after school or in the early evening is perfect.  Drug and alcohol rehab will fail without structure.  Take the time before you leave rehab to build yours.

Everybody who attends a drug and alcohol rehab program has different reasons for going.  A lot is made in drug and alcohol addiction about hitting bottom.  It is like a certain amount of pain is needed in someone's life before they decide to change.  Is this really true?  Once someone has become addicted to a drug or alcohol is the only way for them to change behavior through losing everyone and everything of value in there life?

Probably not.  People with an addicition have a lot of pain in their life most of the time once they are addicted.  Many clients seem to last a long time in a state of waking up every morning not knowing how they will get their drug of choice or pay for it.  They spend weeks and months not knowing how they will get food that day.  This has to be painful.  Very very painful.  Pain on its own is not the key determinent.

People change when they look inside and connect with something of higher value inside of them.  People change because they raise the standards in their life.  If pain is the ultimate motivator, people would be simply looking for ways to stop the pain.  Change isn't about covering up pain.  Change involves moving to new levels of understanding and values. 

Being 100% truthful and honest is a requirement for dealing with a loved one who has an addiction.  Cutting them off, threatening them and removing yourself from their life is not.  You don't have to give them money for drugs.  However just adding to their pain in hopes of them "hitting rock bottom" doesn't make much sense either.