If you have an addicted family member, in your family, you are not responsible for their drug and alcohol use. You are not required to save them. If you choose you do not even have to help them. With that said, there are things you can do, if you choose, that can decrease, their drug usage, as well in increase it, just in how you respond and behave with them. It is not only someone with an addiction that can have distorted thought patterns.

I was talking to a parent recently. They were discussing their adult child and the possibility of treatment in a drug rehab center. I understand having an addicted kid is difficult, stressful and tough. I also think our judgements and how we talk can add to the stress, or decrease it. The description of the client was there were “always nasty, even as a child”, and they “were always a problem”. They were “always defiant” and “showed no respect for their parents”.

I have no way of knowing the truth of these statements. I do know probably, they are exaggerated a little bit. The problem is they are blanket, black or white type of judgements. No child was always “a problem”. Did they dismantle and destroy their crib as a newborn? Did they not laugh and smile as a baby? Did they never make a goofy and ugly card at school and come running home with it on Mother’s day?

They may have been lots and lots of problems, but nothing is EVER 100% on way. Blanket judgements will block communication and INCREASE stress. Increasing stress will lead to increased drug use. You always have a choice on how to discuss things. How about, “90% of what, you do now, is really destroying our relationship and damaging your future. The other 10% of you is so good I will fight for you to get through this addiction, no matter what it takes!” It clearly states how you feel. It leaves open the door for change as well as being more truthful. The parent I was talking to would do anything to save their kid, no matter what.

Watch all or none statements in dealing with addiction. They just lock people in corners and increase stress. Solutions are seldom found in blanket judgements

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 27th, 2008 at 3:07 pm and is filed under Drug Rehab. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.