When someone is in an addictive cycle, or attempting to move past addiction the all have one thing in common.  They are all "terminally unique".  They think the adice and stategies you are recommending are wonderful… for everyone else.  They all have these special complications and reasons why it is not quite the right thing for them to do.  Are these complications real?  Are they real justifications for delaying treatment? 

The truth is that we are all unique.  No two people are the same.  No two addictions are EXACTLY the same.  However the result is the same.  Chaos, destuction, loss of money, values and family.  In addiction, if you add up all the issues, there are far more similarities than there are differences.  The discussion of the unique issues are ususally justification to continue to use.  The core issuses of addiction are the same.  Stress and anxiety in ones life.  Comunication, acceptance, distorted patterns of though are issues with all clients.  If you are stuck in addictive cycle, just get help.  Stop talking about the few things that are unique to you.  Seek help to deal with the things that are destroying your real ability to be you and different.  Lies and manipulation make it hard to be unique,

Most of us know at least a few people who are having difficulties with drug and alcohol.  You see there behavior deteriorate.  You see the light gradually go out in their eyes.  You see them start to look more and more unhealthy.  They break boundries.  They break promises.  They need to ask for help and money.  Rent becomes a problem every month.  Often their phone is disconnected or "broken" for periods of time.

So when do you step up?  When do you ask questions?  Where do you draw the line?  How much poor behavior or destruction does it take before you feel compelled to do something?  Obviously there is no cut and dried answer to this question.  I think the sooner the better.  Simple but powerful questions such as "What do you ultimately want in your life?", can often deflect focus to behavior withour judgement and justification.  If you could change some things about your life what would they be?  If you could start over again, what would you do differently?

These are all questions to show your concern without immediately jumping on the "your addicted and have a problem bandwagon".  Why not try many early and "mini" interventions, instead of one big emotional and expensive one.  At least it is worth thinking about.

Drug rehab is an area of life where the boundaries between religion and state are blurred for more than other areas of life.  One of the core values of 12 step is the concept of God and a Higher Power.  I know it is said that a Higher Power can be anything, but the prayer repeated at every 12 step meeting is "God Grant me the Serenity….".  There is a lot of "God" in addiction treatment.  That is wonderful for those whom the concept of God is meaningful.  However it leads almost to the question of do you have to find God, in order to find sobreity?  Since the vast majority of drug and alcohol treatment is based in the 12 steps today, purely from a view of statistics, it would seem for a large number of clients the answer is yes.

Addiction treatment is about skills learning and develpoment.  It is quite possible to do this in a non-religious setting as well as religious.  We have had private religious schools and non religious schools live side by side for many years.  They both turn out quality people.  Why is addiction treatment not allowing people the same degree and freedom of choice?  Is learning to cope with stress and anxiety in your life that much different that learning how to become a doctor or a lawyer?  Is not education no matter what the subject simply education?  There is room in the world for all beliefs.  For some people God and addiction are meaningful.  For some packaging God with addiction just gives them another reason to leave a drug rehab center.

There are many causes of addiction. Stress and anxiety, are key in the development on any addiction. Self medication for negative emotions and feelings are integral to the abuse of drugs and alcohol. As our society becomes more and more disconnected, and filled with more and more stress, drugs and alcohol become a larger and larger concern.

There is also another issue. As a country and society we are losing our ability to wait for anything. We have become addicted to immediate gratification. We all expect to be rich by 30 and retired by 40. We wait to lose 20 pounds in a week, and solve all our problems by listening to a taped program with 10 easy lessons. We have lost the ability to look at a time line for anything beyond the next quarterly results. This is having a large impact on drug and alcohol addiction and how it is treated.

Delaying gratification is a skill that can and needs to be learned. There are some things that simply cannot be solved instantly, even if you are Donald Trump. If you do not develop this skill, you will increase your stress level every day in most of the situations you come across. Road rage is mostly a problem of waiting your turn in traffic. Air rage is a similar event. Our present style of life may be described as a series of “hurry up and wait” episodes.

This, as so many of the issues I discuss may be dealt with by coming up with a better question. You have to learn to refocus and distract yourself. “What is the best use of my time while I waiting?” What else can I do at this moment? What one thing can I do right now, that can help someone else in this situation? Waiting is only boring and stress inducing if you are doing nothing. Find something to do while you “wait”.

In drug rehab, you have to delay gratification. You cannot hug your spouse or kids while you are there. You cannot go out for a movie or a pizza. While you solidify the change you have made in your life you have to wait for your “sober muscles” to grow strong. You can make this stressful and boring, or you can make it fun and interesting. The difference is in the questions you ask yourself, and the areas you focus your actions.

Many times clients in a drug rehab center make problems tougher than they are. Actually we are all probably guilty of this. It involves how we phrase and look at both problems and their solutions. When we see problems as black and white, or all or nothing we create barriers and hurdles which make things difficult.

Here is what I mean. A lot of clients that arrive in a drug rehab center have some issues or problems with the relationships in their family. A typical statement may be something like this. “Every time I talk with my dad, we have a fight. It is hopeless, we just can’t communicate!” If we look at this statement, (which all of us have said something similar to in our lives) it has two all or nothing qualifiers in it. The first is “every time” and the second is “hopeless”.

The first way to help solve a problem is to clearly state what reality is. What is the real percentage of times you talk to your father that ends in a fight? Even in the most damaged relationship it may be 80 or 90%. You could even argue 95%, but it is never 100%. To find solutions, many times it is useful to think of a gradient, instead of perfection. A question to get you on this road might be, “What thinks could you try or learn that would take the times you have a disagreement with your father from 90% to 80%?” Anyone can think of some ideas for this. When you get to 80%, what can you do to get to 70%. This is a simple technique to get moving in a situation that you may seem like you are stuck.

The second comment of “hopeless” is another that can be dealt with in this fashion. Even if you are extremely unlikely to be successful in a situation you could say, “I have about a 2% chance of success with this.” By stating it this way you at least are acknowledging there is a remote chance at a solution. Plus then you allow yourself to ask the question, “want could I try or do that would increase my odds of success to 10%”?

In addiction many clients are often locked into patterns that do not serve them and keep them stuck. Many times it can be changed by simply asking questions in a different way. Grey can be the color that leads you out of the dark!

I had another interesting and challenging conversation last night. I am really very lucky to do what I do. Never the same thing, and boy it is never, ever boring. I was discussing the possibility of drug rehab with someone last night. They thought rehab might be a fairly good option for them. Drugs had been in theri life for a long time, and their life seemed to be stuck in somewhat of a rut lately. They hadn’t worked in quite some time.

The question arose, that would it not be a better idea to invest the money for drug rehab into starting a business for them, so they could actually support themselves. If they had a business and were accomplishing some things in life, they would not need drugs in their life and could move past addiction. There is good logic in this path and would it not make sense to build something rather than just go to drug rehab?

The real answer would lie in the actual reasons on a day to day basis, on why someone is using drugs. If the drug usage was truly do to boredom, then activity would seem to be the cure. The problem is, just like most things in life, not that simple. Even if that were the only reason, it still might be a better idea to go to rehab first.

One is that with long term drug use, the body and the brain has changed. The will be some depression and side effects while a person is stopping use. Being depressed and hyper-sensitive to the world is not the best time and frame of mind to start a business. The other is that it is rare, that drug use is do to a single cause. Most time it is because of multiple areas. Stress, boredom, anxiety, anger, social pressure and a few others are really common. Starting a business is always stressful and filled with some moments of doubt and uncertainty. Stress could lead to increased drug use, not a great idea while building a business.
Building a business is a tough demanding time. It is also a blast. Building a business while on drugs, while totally possible, seems to be really pushing the odds. Four out of five new businesses fail in the first five years.

I guess the final words I would like to end with are, if it were possible to quit without going to rehab, after decades of drug use, why have they not quit? I think building a business is a wonderful idea. I still think drug rehab and a business are in the realm of possibility. The only real shot at success is to do one, before the other.

Sending a family member to a drug rehab program is about new beginnings.  It is about the faith in someone to get their life back on track with their dreams and goals.  This can be difficult for the rest of the family.  Sometimes Moms and Dads as well as other as other family members harbour deep seated resentments and anger over the past.

Parents who have spent a good deal of their retirement funds on their adult child's addicition and drug rehab.  Siblings who have felt a loss over family trust and anger about the addicted individuals impact on the family.  It serves no purpose re-living these evnts over and over.  Setting boundaries for today and getting on with your own dreams is vital.  If you can it might be wise to give the person going to drug rehab the room to grow.  Statements like, "I can't even imagine them having a regular life, not being addicted to drugs"!  While I understand your pain and frustration, statements like these may just keep the addicted family member "addicted" in your eyes, no matter what they do.

How do you beak the negative feeling towards someone?  How do you start to mend the mental fences in your mind that have been broken by drug and alcohol addiction.  As with most times, it is with a better quality of question.  "What do I appreciate about my daughter?" is a good place to start.  The first time you ask this your brain may say, "NOTHING!"  Keep asking or modify the question.  What did I used to appreciate about them before thier addiction?  When they are not using, what are their best qualities?  If anything happened to them what would I miss the most about them?  What are the way my life is better because of them?  If you keep asking questions in this line you will start to build a list.  No person is simply an addiction.  

I am not asking for you to to be taken advantage of.  I am not asking you to minimize what someone and their addiction may have impacted your life.  I am asking you to at least make room for the possibility of change.  I am asking you to look at everything about someone equally, not just the pain or their drug addiction.  The reason is, that if you cannot imagine them changing, you might just convince them that they cannot change.  Then everyone does not win.

The vast majority of people who call us for drug and alcohol rehab simply do not have the means to pay for it.  The plain truth is that we need more and creative ways to finance drug rehab.  The other option is to find ways to give drug rehab at a much lower cost.  Of course we all would like to have the government pay to help all these people.  Again either the government cannot afford it, or the political will to pay for it is just not there.  So if the government is not going to pay for drug rehab, what other things can we do?

We are trying to offer something at a much lower cost.  Of course it is not like going to a drug rehab center.  It will never be as good as going to a drug rehab center.  However it might be good enough to save someone's life.  It might be good enough to slow or reverse the progression of the addiction.  Given the alternative of slowly watching people die, that might be a good choice.  I am talking about our workbook and lessons.  Make Your Last Relapse The Last, is a workbook almost anyone can do.  It is simple and straight forward.  You go through it and write your anwsers in the book and progress from one topic to another.  We will be offering it on a new website going live next weekend.  The site is www.sobermart.com .  Shortly after there will be matching on line lessons. This is not meant to replace rehab.  However for a very small cost a client can get a lot of the core information presented in rehab in a format they can try at home or anywhere else.  On line drug rehab has the potential to help thousands of people who simply have no finances to try something else.  We either need more money for drug rehab or cheaper options for drug rehab, because we cannot just continue to ignore 8 out of 10 people.

There is a needs for a better solution or a more involved solution for people in long term chronic pain.  Narcotic analgesics for these clients seems like making a deal with the devil.  Over time the medications become less and less effective.  Over time in the pursuit of temporary relief, clients take larger and larger doses of the narcotics. 

The sad truth is these clients seem utimately still in pain, but simply taking large doses of narcotics as now they are addicted.  The drugs have become their coping mechanism.  These clients might need a two pronged approach drug rehab.  They still need all the classic help from a drug rehab.  They need stress management and help with distorted patterns of thinking.  They also need help on the pain management front.  They simply cannot be removed from drug use and left alone.  The pain they feel is real and difficult.  There is no simple solution to this issue.  Prevention is most likely the key.  Narcotics for a truly chronic pain solution is an area where risk vs. benefit is a difficult choice at best.  Ending up in drug rehab because of chronic pain just does not seem fair at all.

Clients at the depths of their addiction want to change.  They are depressed.  They are isolated.  They are very tired of trying to find their drug and at the same time juggle all the lies in their life.  They want a change.  This however makes them very vulnerable.  They are so desparate for a change, they are willing to believe anything if it looks like it will get them out of the addicted hole they are in.

Drug rehabs might need to understand and use caution because of this.  Sometimes I question the wisdom or fairness of running a rehab for vulnerable people and then telling them about religion and God as their solution.  Is it fair to indoctrinate vulnerable people?  If addiction is a disease, why would we allow this?  Would we be just a comfortable with rehabs for people with heart disease and obiesity being treated this way.  People with heart problems and overwieght issues need exercise, diet improvement, medication and medical monitoring.  People with addiction need to find God.  Why the double standard? 

I am not knocking God.  Everyone needs some sort of spritual center and guidlines for their life.  I am talking about why addiction gets involved in Christian drug and alcohol rehab centers, but diabetes, cardiac issues and cancer patients somehow do not need to find God in their cure?

It goes to how society values addicts.  As long as someone helps them get off the street, we do not care what they teach them at a vulnerable and lost moment in their life.  What happened to research?  What happened to standard of care?  I'm sorry, it makes no sense to me.