Sometimes things just get stuck.  Arguments get repeated over and over.  Time is wasted justifying our actions in the past.  Relationships once they are damaged can take a very long time to heal.  There is one thing; however that may speed up this process.  It involves one person simply taking the high road.  Dr. Phil appropriately calls it being a “Hero”.  It truly is a powerful and giving act.

Simply deciding the other person and the relationship is of greater value than the past.  Forgive everything, judge nothing, and be love.  If you want to change a relationship that is stuck and filled with anger, try these three things for one month.  If you are in rehab for 90 days why not try it for the whole 90.  Start with forgiving everything.  Just forgive it all.  Forgive the other person and forgive yourself.

Then judge nothing.  Make no assumptions, stop looking for errors or proof you were and are right.  Simply be grateful for the other person.  Ask and expect nothing.  Then what ever you think love is, let it show.  Give it with everything you have.  Give with no judgment or expectation.  Giving totally without expectation is a risky move some would say.  Kind of sounds like something a hero would do.  Want to really make a difference while you are in drug rehab?  Be a hero in a relationship that is damaged in your life.

Learning to say no can be a difficult journey.  In addiction and drug rehab it is a vitally important one.  Drug and alcohol refusal skills are something that might want to be practiced each and every day you are in rehab.  Would it not be wonderful if by the time you left rehab, that if someone offered you a drink, you would say no thanks, BEFORE you even thought about it. 

Saying no to situations you do not like.  Saying no to lifestyles you no longer want to be around.  Not because you have to, but because you want to.  You want more.  Is it not funny that on some level you have to say no, to get more of what you want.  Yes to a great life, means you have to say no to a poor one.  Drug rehab is a safe place.  Practice every day saying no.  Practice saying no, with a big smile on your face.   Giggle and laugh while you say it.  Say it with so much conviction, that person will never ask you again. 

Many of us have life in reverse.  We spend far too long deciding what to do.  Followed by far to little montoring after the decision.  Nobody has a crystal ball.  Nobody can predict the future.  At the very best maybe you can be right 60% of the time, but for most of us, it is far lower than that.  Probably 50% is a more reasonable figure.  About the odds of flipping a coin. 

Since we truly have a bad time guessing the future, why not take an easier route?  Assume a lot of your decisions will be wrong.  Then it becomes a game of finding the bad decisions, rather than guessing the unpredicatable.  The key is in monitoring decisions.  This lies in clearly defining the objectives of any choice you make.  Objectives are simply clear results linked to a specific timeline.  This can greatly speed up the time spent on a decision.  Many times it is better to do something and see if it is right, rather than spend endless days guessing about what is the right thing to do.

When things do not turn out how we would like, often we want to remove our own responsibility in the situation.  When asked why something went wrong we respond in this manner.  I don’t know it just happened.  We are not actively saying it was not our fault.  We are just implying it.  The truth is that we do know why it happened.  Maybe we are not sure with 100% certainty.  With 80% certainty we do know what happened.  We do know the decisions that lead to the event.

NOBODY RELAPSES BY ACCICDENT.  No one accidentally falls on a syringe with heroin in it.  There are not gangs of roving terrorists forcing people to drink alcohol.  Leaving a bottle of alcohol hidden in case of an “emergency” is not an accident.  Driving to the area of town where it is easy to buy drugs is not an accident. 

Think about working out and getting back in shape.  Have you ever heard anyone say this?  I don’t know what happened.  I was just having an ordinary day.  Then suddenly I was in the gym in my track pants lifting weights.  Then I couldn’t stop.  I kept lifting weights for 13 days straight.  I could not stop.  I’m a gymaholic, I’ve got a disease I guess.  It’s not my fault.

If you have relapsed, you know what happened.  You made a series of choices that lead you to be in a place to use.  Then you chose to use.  You can make a different choice.  You can choose a relapse prevention plan.  You can choose better structure in your life.

We always get asked about how much time is the right length of stay in a drug rehab center?   How do you arrive at the right numbers of days?  Is there a really accurate way to judge the severity of the addiction?  Does a more severe addiction always require a longer stay?

There are two things that have to be accomplished in a drug rehab center.  One is to stay long enough to actually get a good period of clean time under your belt.  The other is to stay long enough to learn the skills.  Learn them well enough to trust them.  Trust them enough to use them on your toughest days.  This is why longer programs have better success rates.  As humans, we can only learn things at a certain rate.  If we bombard someone with more information than they can learn, they hear it, but they do not remember it. 

Learning takes time.  Practice takes time.  The time it takes to be successful sometimes may be more dependent on the speed of learning, than the severity of the addiction.  Stay the course.  Don’t take short cuts. 

Our relapse prevention workbook, is proving very popular.  The comments from clients using it have been overwhelming positive.   Several have commented that is was the best single thing, that had helped their journey past addiction.  If you would like to have the first two chapters Free, it is available on the site www.sobermart.com .  The first chapter explains all the basics and components that go into a quality relapse prevention plan.  The second talks about how much of addiction is a learned behaviour.  May say it is the turning point in their understanding how they became addicted. 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS TOTALLY FREE!

Love is something we all hope to feel and enjoy. Many times the love we feel with our immediate family and friends is simply the best part of our lives. In addiction however the strength and definition of love is pushed to the limit of human endurance and beyond. The term of love can change in addiction. Tough love gets thrown around a lot. What exactly is tough love? How do you love unconditionally and still keep sound and protective boundaries in place?

When dealing with addiction, you might want to separate two issues. The first is how much you care. The second is what you do. It does not matter how badly someone behaves in their addiction you are allowed to care. The more you care, the more you will be able to maintain to opening and lifeline for change. Try not to pull back on your love when they are difficult and lavish it on while they are sober.

Your actions however need to be carefully scripted and held in by common sense. Decide your boundaries alone and with careful thought. Write them down. Decide your limits both in terms of time and financially. Decide if and when you are going to say no. A great area to start with this is simply the law. If your loved one breaks the law, let them deal with it. Do not rescue them. Do not try to save them from a criminal record. If you save them from this incident, with minor issues, how will you feel when they run over and kill someone while they are intoxicated? By helping them avoid the consequences of their actions, you may unwittingly aid them in more dangerous and disastrous actions. Tough love, might mean stop rescuing. Stop paying rent when they are not working or looking for work. Stop treating them like they are 12.

Learning to control stress and emotions are paramount to sobriety.  One of the key skills in this journey is to learn what, are appropriate levels of concern, and what are not.   The world will always judge us.  Some of the input we receive will be positive, some will not.  Figuring out what is valid and should be acted upon, if the secret to keeping worry and concern to a minimum.

Everybody wants to be liked and appreciated. I think we all have a need to feel wanted. Unfortunately this need or craving does not serve anyone well who is working in the drug and alcohol rehab field. Addiction is a condition of doing exactly what somebody wants in the moment regardless of the consequences. It is also a condition where the truth is murky and hidden.

Helping people out of this space requires the discipline to do what is needed, not what is wanted. If a person could have changed without the boundaries and rules of a drug rehab center, they would have. They would not be there in the rehab at that moment. Many times rehab is about shutting down the choices in the moment, and moving an individual to think about the longer term. What they ultimately want in their life.

Running a drug rehab center is a lot of things. It is not a popularity contest. The people we have running our center, are confident and clear about their job. Many times they have to make difficult and unpopular decisions. They always choose the route of client safety. I am very thankful they are working with us, and they make a difference in many, many lives.

There are solutions to every problem. We may not like the solution, but they are there. Drug rehab will require us to come up with these solutions. We all have an idea of how we would like things to work out. We want it all. In drug rehab most people would like a short treatment period of 1 month or less. They want private counselling one to one every day. They would like private rooms. No waiting lists. They want lots of varied activities and facilities, on a large beautiful piece of land. For this wish list, they would like somebody else to pay for it.

I would like this scenario as well. Dealing with finances is always difficult. Having someone on the phone asking for free drug rehab is always sad. Hearing the desperation in their voice is not the high point in anyone’s day. So we need more creative solutions. Sometimes we may have to all lower our expectations a little bit. Things, like counselling, maybe we can get by in groups of 2 or 3 for focused counselling, but not really individual counselling. More people sharing rooms is another obvious choice.

Liability is another area. Informed consent with an acceptance of self liability. Most programs could charge less if they were sure they could not be sued. Obviously if you are spending a significant sum to go to a rehab this would be silly. If you are attending a place that is desperately doing everything possible to keep the cost minimal, this makes sense.

The there is the most obvious cost effective choice. Teach our kids how to cope with stress, anxiety, fear and anger in school. Teach life skills in school. Teach happiness in school. A lot of drug use is about self medication for these issues. School are way cheaper to run than drug rehab centers.