We always get asked about how much time is the right length of stay in a drug rehab center?   How do you arrive at the right numbers of days?  Is there a really accurate way to judge the severity of the addiction?  Does a more severe addiction always require a longer stay?

There are two things that have to be accomplished in a drug rehab center.  One is to stay long enough to actually get a good period of clean time under your belt.  The other is to stay long enough to learn the skills.  Learn them well enough to trust them.  Trust them enough to use them on your toughest days.  This is why longer programs have better success rates.  As humans, we can only learn things at a certain rate.  If we bombard someone with more information than they can learn, they hear it, but they do not remember it. 

Learning takes time.  Practice takes time.  The time it takes to be successful sometimes may be more dependent on the speed of learning, than the severity of the addiction.  Stay the course.  Don’t take short cuts. 

Our relapse prevention workbook, is proving very popular.  The comments from clients using it have been overwhelming positive.   Several have commented that is was the best single thing, that had helped their journey past addiction.  If you would like to have the first two chapters Free, it is available on the site www.sobermart.com .  The first chapter explains all the basics and components that go into a quality relapse prevention plan.  The second talks about how much of addiction is a learned behaviour.  May say it is the turning point in their understanding how they became addicted. 

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Love is something we all hope to feel and enjoy. Many times the love we feel with our immediate family and friends is simply the best part of our lives. In addiction however the strength and definition of love is pushed to the limit of human endurance and beyond. The term of love can change in addiction. Tough love gets thrown around a lot. What exactly is tough love? How do you love unconditionally and still keep sound and protective boundaries in place?

When dealing with addiction, you might want to separate two issues. The first is how much you care. The second is what you do. It does not matter how badly someone behaves in their addiction you are allowed to care. The more you care, the more you will be able to maintain to opening and lifeline for change. Try not to pull back on your love when they are difficult and lavish it on while they are sober.

Your actions however need to be carefully scripted and held in by common sense. Decide your boundaries alone and with careful thought. Write them down. Decide your limits both in terms of time and financially. Decide if and when you are going to say no. A great area to start with this is simply the law. If your loved one breaks the law, let them deal with it. Do not rescue them. Do not try to save them from a criminal record. If you save them from this incident, with minor issues, how will you feel when they run over and kill someone while they are intoxicated? By helping them avoid the consequences of their actions, you may unwittingly aid them in more dangerous and disastrous actions. Tough love, might mean stop rescuing. Stop paying rent when they are not working or looking for work. Stop treating them like they are 12.

Learning to control stress and emotions are paramount to sobriety.  One of the key skills in this journey is to learn what, are appropriate levels of concern, and what are not.   The world will always judge us.  Some of the input we receive will be positive, some will not.  Figuring out what is valid and should be acted upon, if the secret to keeping worry and concern to a minimum.

Everybody wants to be liked and appreciated. I think we all have a need to feel wanted. Unfortunately this need or craving does not serve anyone well who is working in the drug and alcohol rehab field. Addiction is a condition of doing exactly what somebody wants in the moment regardless of the consequences. It is also a condition where the truth is murky and hidden.

Helping people out of this space requires the discipline to do what is needed, not what is wanted. If a person could have changed without the boundaries and rules of a drug rehab center, they would have. They would not be there in the rehab at that moment. Many times rehab is about shutting down the choices in the moment, and moving an individual to think about the longer term. What they ultimately want in their life.

Running a drug rehab center is a lot of things. It is not a popularity contest. The people we have running our center, are confident and clear about their job. Many times they have to make difficult and unpopular decisions. They always choose the route of client safety. I am very thankful they are working with us, and they make a difference in many, many lives.

There are solutions to every problem. We may not like the solution, but they are there. Drug rehab will require us to come up with these solutions. We all have an idea of how we would like things to work out. We want it all. In drug rehab most people would like a short treatment period of 1 month or less. They want private counselling one to one every day. They would like private rooms. No waiting lists. They want lots of varied activities and facilities, on a large beautiful piece of land. For this wish list, they would like somebody else to pay for it.

I would like this scenario as well. Dealing with finances is always difficult. Having someone on the phone asking for free drug rehab is always sad. Hearing the desperation in their voice is not the high point in anyone’s day. So we need more creative solutions. Sometimes we may have to all lower our expectations a little bit. Things, like counselling, maybe we can get by in groups of 2 or 3 for focused counselling, but not really individual counselling. More people sharing rooms is another obvious choice.

Liability is another area. Informed consent with an acceptance of self liability. Most programs could charge less if they were sure they could not be sued. Obviously if you are spending a significant sum to go to a rehab this would be silly. If you are attending a place that is desperately doing everything possible to keep the cost minimal, this makes sense.

The there is the most obvious cost effective choice. Teach our kids how to cope with stress, anxiety, fear and anger in school. Teach life skills in school. Teach happiness in school. A lot of drug use is about self medication for these issues. School are way cheaper to run than drug rehab centers.

Flying back last night I met a wonderful man on the airplane.  He was a personal corporate coach.  He has been helping people learn better communiation skills and getting them to change for over 20 years.  Needlees to say we had a couple of things in common.  One question I asked him was, what is the number one thing that stops people from changing.  In a split second he said FEAR!  Fear was the number one issue he has to deal with.  The number two was the concept of not knowing how are where to start.

CEO's of corporations, have exactly the same difficualties when aproaching change as clients in drug rehab.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of if it will work.  Fear of losing face.  Fear of discomfort.  One of these will usually be present in some degree when facing something new.  It often is what keeps people addicted or in an uncomfortable place for far longer than neccesary.  If you look at the second reason, well it is now wonder people do not like to change.  Does it make any sense to do something you are afraid of and are not really sure where or how to start?  Kind of like a one, two punch, to your motivation. 

This lead us both to the concept of mentors.  Having someone you trust, who has been down a similar road before.  Mentors can help provide the trust in you plans to move past the fears.  Mentors will ask the quality questions needed to put fears aside.  When you can confidently answer the questions put to you by your mentor, you know that you are strong enough to move past the obsticles in front of you.  Modeling and mentoring are two highly successful concepts that are far too underutilized in society today.

We all want to help our friends and family.  It is heartwrenching to watch a loved one gradually lose more and more things in their life.  Their relationships, their job and career all deteriorate.  It is so easy to see the solution to some one else's problem.  How do you get them to change?  How do you get them to see solutions?

Firstly you cannot tell people solutions.  Nobody likes to be told what to do?  If you start discussing the negatives in peoples lives, they will just get defensive.  They will just justify their actions against your judgements.  People will only work towards their own solutions.  People will sobatage any external solutions forced on them.  You help, if it is to be effective is to assist them to find their own solutions.  The key, as always lies in asking quality questions.  Ask what is imporatnt in their life.  Ask what they want to accomplish.  Ask what they want to change.  Ask what they have to learn.  Help them find a solution to using drugs and alcohol.  Stop telling people what to do. 

Last night was the time we move the clocks ahead.  I think a lot of us feel a little out of sync today.  Our time clock is a bit off for the next day or two.  I also think there is another factor in this.  We all "lost" some time last night.  An hour just disappeared.  When an hour can disappear in a second, it is a very visible reminder of the march of time we all face.  It also can remind us of all the time we have wasted or lost in different ways.

In a drug rehab program there are lots of momments like this.  While learning new ideas about how to handle things, it is hard to eascape the realization that our old ways of handling things cost us days, weeks months and possible years of our lives.  Gone from our grasp.  Rehab is a place to stop this waste.  Ironic that you have to spend time at a rehab program to learn how not to waste time.  You have to invest time to learn to be more efficeint at life. 

It is also true that if you work at learning new techniques, you will be given new opportunities to connect and reconnect with people.  You can build a history of accomplishment and service to others.  Life does hand out second chances.  Even look at daylight saving's time.  In the fall after you work all summer, it gives you the hour back.  Why not make losing the hour last night a chance to decide to not waste more time in your life?  What have you got to lose?

Drug rehab is an area of life where the boundaries between religion and state are blurred for more than other areas of life.  One of the core values of 12 step is the concept of God and a Higher Power.  I know it is said that a Higher Power can be anything, but the prayer repeated at every 12 step meeting is "God Grant me the Serenity….".  There is a lot of "God" in addiction treatment.  That is wonderful for those whom the concept of God is meaningful.  However it leads almost to the question of do you have to find God, in order to find sobreity?  Since the vast majority of drug and alcohol treatment is based in the 12 steps today, purely from a view of statistics, it would seem for a large number of clients the answer is yes.

Addiction treatment is about skills learning and develpoment.  It is quite possible to do this in a non-religious setting as well as religious.  We have had private religious schools and non religious schools live side by side for many years.  They both turn out quality people.  Why is addiction treatment not allowing people the same degree and freedom of choice?  Is learning to cope with stress and anxiety in your life that much different that learning how to become a doctor or a lawyer?  Is not education no matter what the subject simply education?  There is room in the world for all beliefs.  For some people God and addiction are meaningful.  For some packaging God with addiction just gives them another reason to leave a drug rehab center.