We are very proud to announce the opening of our on line book store.  SoberMart is now up and running.  For the first few weeks we will be offering our relapse prevention plan workbook for sale.  It was developed through use in a drug rehab center.  It is a step by step guide to coming up with a clear and strong plan to move past addiction. 

It was written by Irene Clarkson, who has over 30 years of experience in the field. The name of this workbook is, MAKE YOUR LAST RELAPSE, YOUR LAST. Over the next month we will be adding our on line lessons to add to the book.  These will be visual text as well as voice to allow you to easily and clearly formulate the plan you require. 

Also in the next month we will be adding a book for parents and loved ones of someone in rehab.  It will be a step by step guide on what to do while they are in rehab.  What to do when they leave.  What to do to support them and yourself all the way along.  It will allow you to truly understand addiction, and what support for someone dealing with addiction should really look like. 

Click here to check out our new on line store SOBERMART!

There are many choices when it comes to drug rehab centers. We get phone calls every day with client somewhat overwhelmed and lost. There is a real fear of making the wrong decision. The cost always adds a stress. Failure after rehab may cost someone their health and their life. What are some things you can do to decrease this stress?

Firstly ask a lot of questions. Start with yourself. What do you things do you think you have to learn or change to move past addiction in your life? If you could magically have certain skills that you KNOW would help you deal with addiction, what would those be? What other things would you need to know to move past addiction? Realistically, under perfect circumstances, how long would it take you to learn these things?

With these questions you now have some information to start looking at different rehab centers. Look for a program with a long enough time line to teach you the things you require. Then ask the rehab center how they teach and what methods, do they use to help you learn the skills, you know you need to acquire. They answers you receive should be clear and make sense. Ask what materials they use to help teach you. Ask if you can buy some of the materials first to look at them and their quality. Rehabs with real materials and printed materials have gone to the trouble to actually make a program. If there are no printed materials, chances are there is no program either.

In my unscientific and informal methods of tracking the calls we receive the requests for free drug rehab just continue to grow. I have been also asking what sort of budget, could you really afford if you had to pay something. It seems most of the people who call looking for free drug and alcohol rehab might be capable of paying around $2500 to $3000 in total. This is important to realize this amount. What these clients are saying, essentially is, I’m not looking for a handout.

They are willing to pay something towards their treatment. It is unfortunately not enough to get into a lot of drug rehab centers. Apparently a lot of drug rehab centers are telling people to check around a look for scholarships at rehabs. I get asked everyday if I know of where these are. I wish I did. Can anyone help us out there? Also maybe the drug rehabs that are recommending these free drug rehab scholarships could tell clients where they are. Maybe it seems like a polite way of getting someone off the phone if they are asking for free drug rehab, but it may be a waste of time if they are searching for something that does not really exist.

We are looking at ways to offer drug rehab at a much more affordable price. By offering a few less perks and still offering the core program will be able to give clients the chance to attend our program for a savings of 25% less than our previous price. We are hoping this will along more clients to seek the treatment they want. I am still willing to pass along any ideas people have about free drug rehab. Any creative ways you found to finance your own treatment or the treatment of someone else would also be greatly appreciated.

Text messaging is certainly all the rage with teenagers today. It is a form a communication with its own language. It also requires a level of dexterity to chat with any speed but a snail’s pace for me. I was actually doing some texting last night. It was the read a message, send a message thing, but each message was being sent a couple of hours apart. Somehow the person I was texting and I got out of sync with each other. I would send a message, and then receive one 10 or 15 minutes later. The problem was the text I got in return was not in response to my last message, but the one before it.

Needless to say I got quite confused. At one point I even got a little offended at one response. Being a slow learner, it took me a little while to catch on. Once I realized we were having two different conversations, I got back in sync, and everything made sense.

I started to think about this and how often this happens in our own life without texting. How many times are we having a conversation “in our head” while at the same time trying to converse with the real person. I see it in our drug rehab center all the time. I see clients and staff talking with themselves and each other, but sometimes not connecting. It is easy to get confused and sometimes even offended if you are not carefully listening to the other person. You have to turn off the conversation in your head. The only words in your head while someone is talking to you should be their words. Actually hear what they are saying in real time. Slow down and enjoy it. It is so much better to have one productive conversation, then 2 or 3 botched ones.

There are always choices in life. Nobody is ever a label. When dealing with an addicted family member and the issue of drug rehab programs there are many steps along the way. Several people will be involved all discussing issues and concerns. Stress and worry are present every step along the way. I often here from family members, overwhelmed by the diversity and scope of choice available to them when seeking treatment.

There are a couple simple steps anyone can take to may this process a little easier. The first step is to write it down. Take notes when talking to the individual drug rehab centers. You may think it is all on their website, but when you are making a decision it will be very nice if you can lay your own notes out in front of you. The other important aspect of note taking is you will not confuse in your own mind the pluses and minuses of each program. When you talk to a number of individuals, it is easy to confuse what place has which benefit.

Write down all the discussions you have with other family members and the potential client. Again it is very easy to get confused about which person, is doing each of the steps, involved in the drug rehab process. Ultimately nominate one person to do all the communication with the rehab, and have that person be sure to take good notes.

The last step is to try as much as humanely possible to take the high road. If someone in your family snaps or is short with you along this process, know they are doing the best they can. There is no, going to rehab 101, they can take before attempting this. Now is not the time to point out some one’s lack of tact, or communication skills. If someone makes a mistake, forgive them. The objective is to get a family member, the help they need for their addiction, by getting them into an effective drug rehab center. Stressing out and having a heart attack along the way will help no one.

Maybe to deal with the issue of getting enough free drug rehab programs could be dealt with by a change of model, and by earlier interception of the problem. Is there a way to effectively treat addiction while the person is still in their home? Where does the concept of "Rock Bottom" come from? There is no mention of rock bottom is any of the twelve steps. No physician would ever say, we cannot treat that man for heart disease. We have to wait until he is 200 pound overweight, and he has to have at least 3 heart attacks. He is only 150 pounds overweight. He has only had 2 heart attacks.

There has to be some way to deal with and intercept addiction earlier. Just because we have not found a cost effective way to stop addiction at a very early stage does not mean it is not there. We have many effective self help programs for at home. There must be a way to combine the power of the internet and workbooks to effective find affordable solutions to all the different types of addiction. This is going to be especially true with addiction to pornography on the internet. This will be a problem where people are really going to isolate and be filled with shame and embarrassment. The constant flow of e-mail we get seeking free drug rehab will not go away. The government does not have the money. We have to get creative to solve this.

There are many causes of addiction. Stress and anxiety, are key in the development on any addiction. Self medication for negative emotions and feelings are integral to the abuse of drugs and alcohol. As our society becomes more and more disconnected, and filled with more and more stress, drugs and alcohol become a larger and larger concern.

There is also another issue. As a country and society we are losing our ability to wait for anything. We have become addicted to immediate gratification. We all expect to be rich by 30 and retired by 40. We wait to lose 20 pounds in a week, and solve all our problems by listening to a taped program with 10 easy lessons. We have lost the ability to look at a time line for anything beyond the next quarterly results. This is having a large impact on drug and alcohol addiction and how it is treated.

Delaying gratification is a skill that can and needs to be learned. There are some things that simply cannot be solved instantly, even if you are Donald Trump. If you do not develop this skill, you will increase your stress level every day in most of the situations you come across. Road rage is mostly a problem of waiting your turn in traffic. Air rage is a similar event. Our present style of life may be described as a series of “hurry up and wait” episodes.

This, as so many of the issues I discuss may be dealt with by coming up with a better question. You have to learn to refocus and distract yourself. “What is the best use of my time while I waiting?” What else can I do at this moment? What one thing can I do right now, that can help someone else in this situation? Waiting is only boring and stress inducing if you are doing nothing. Find something to do while you “wait”.

In drug rehab, you have to delay gratification. You cannot hug your spouse or kids while you are there. You cannot go out for a movie or a pizza. While you solidify the change you have made in your life you have to wait for your “sober muscles” to grow strong. You can make this stressful and boring, or you can make it fun and interesting. The difference is in the questions you ask yourself, and the areas you focus your actions.

There will likely never be enough free drug rehab to go around. This is also true for low cost and very affordable drug rehab. There are some very likely reasons for this. One is, without massive government financing, there will just not be enough places in free drug rehabs. Likely with a public system the quality will be diluted and effectiveness will be decreased. These are interesting questions but the fact remains, for today and the foreseeable future, there is just not enough free or affordable drug rehab.

This leaves the only real option for some families is to creatively finance a stay in drug rehab. Start with the cheapest source of credit you can find, and spread the load as a family. At a meeting of everyone who is willing to help, try to divide the amount up, and let people take care of their commitment. Decide on a date to have it in place by. Start with your lowest interest rate source. Lines of credit or a home equity loan is the best bet. Second in credit cards and last is finance companies.

Make sure you come to an agreement in writing. Put down if you expect the client going to rehab to make any repayment, and what are the terms. If you expect them to pay back ½ of the money write it down. Also write down clearly, under no circumstances is the client to leave the program early, and if they do what the consequences with the family will be.

Clearly state what you expect the client to be responsible for after rehab. Even though it is a crisis, that does not mean you are not allowed to write things down and sign them. The “just get them in rehab” plan usually leaves a lot of confusion and misunderstandings later. It is O.K. to borrow money for rehab. It is probably poor judgement to do it with assumptions that we can work it out later, when everything is hopefully back to normal.

If you have an addicted family member, in your family, you are not responsible for their drug and alcohol use. You are not required to save them. If you choose you do not even have to help them. With that said, there are things you can do, if you choose, that can decrease, their drug usage, as well in increase it, just in how you respond and behave with them. It is not only someone with an addiction that can have distorted thought patterns.

I was talking to a parent recently. They were discussing their adult child and the possibility of treatment in a drug rehab center. I understand having an addicted kid is difficult, stressful and tough. I also think our judgements and how we talk can add to the stress, or decrease it. The description of the client was there were “always nasty, even as a child”, and they “were always a problem”. They were “always defiant” and “showed no respect for their parents”.

I have no way of knowing the truth of these statements. I do know probably, they are exaggerated a little bit. The problem is they are blanket, black or white type of judgements. No child was always “a problem”. Did they dismantle and destroy their crib as a newborn? Did they not laugh and smile as a baby? Did they never make a goofy and ugly card at school and come running home with it on Mother’s day?

They may have been lots and lots of problems, but nothing is EVER 100% on way. Blanket judgements will block communication and INCREASE stress. Increasing stress will lead to increased drug use. You always have a choice on how to discuss things. How about, “90% of what, you do now, is really destroying our relationship and damaging your future. The other 10% of you is so good I will fight for you to get through this addiction, no matter what it takes!” It clearly states how you feel. It leaves open the door for change as well as being more truthful. The parent I was talking to would do anything to save their kid, no matter what.

Watch all or none statements in dealing with addiction. They just lock people in corners and increase stress. Solutions are seldom found in blanket judgements

Most of the clients, who come to a drug rehab center, have a well developed set of communication skills. They are very personable, and have the ability to be quite charming. When you talk to most of them at depth a little bit, it does become rather apparent something is missing. While they have the skill to quickly form a shallow bond, they have a lot of difficulty making a deeper connection.

It may have something to do with most of the communicating in the past couple of years has involved a least a degree of manipulation. They are skilled at hiding the truth. They are skilled at getting people to provide and do things, the individual may not want to do. These skills are useful if you are trying to acquire drugs or justify your own behaviour. They are not useful at building deep trusting friendships.

Part of it comes from the “fear of really knowing me” type of thinking. If they really knew me, they wouldn’t like me. There are 2 main distortions in the above statement. Number one is you are mind reading and fortune telling. You do not know how someone is going to react. Maybe they have the same fear. Maybe your opening up will allow them to open up. The other distortion in the above statement is negative mental focus. All you are focusing on is your less positive traits. Everyone has both good and bad traits. You are assuming you will only “expose” your bad stuff.

Real communication involves asking questions to understand the other person’s fears and dream, not yours. If you are worried about your acceptance, you are not listening to what someone else is saying. No real communication takes place if you are in the, how does this affect me, type of mind. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Ask more questions based on their answers. See if you can have a whole conversation WITHOUT bringing up your history or opinion. Stop worrying about how you look. Start talking about them. Drug rehab is a perfect place to start. Lots of people you do not know. Lots of people, with time on their hands, a captive group for you to practice on. Make some new real friend in rehab today.