Most of the clients, who come to a drug rehab center, have a well developed set of communication skills. They are very personable, and have the ability to be quite charming. When you talk to most of them at depth a little bit, it does become rather apparent something is missing. While they have the skill to quickly form a shallow bond, they have a lot of difficulty making a deeper connection.

It may have something to do with most of the communicating in the past couple of years has involved a least a degree of manipulation. They are skilled at hiding the truth. They are skilled at getting people to provide and do things, the individual may not want to do. These skills are useful if you are trying to acquire drugs or justify your own behaviour. They are not useful at building deep trusting friendships.

Part of it comes from the “fear of really knowing me” type of thinking. If they really knew me, they wouldn’t like me. There are 2 main distortions in the above statement. Number one is you are mind reading and fortune telling. You do not know how someone is going to react. Maybe they have the same fear. Maybe your opening up will allow them to open up. The other distortion in the above statement is negative mental focus. All you are focusing on is your less positive traits. Everyone has both good and bad traits. You are assuming you will only “expose” your bad stuff.

Real communication involves asking questions to understand the other person’s fears and dream, not yours. If you are worried about your acceptance, you are not listening to what someone else is saying. No real communication takes place if you are in the, how does this affect me, type of mind. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Ask more questions based on their answers. See if you can have a whole conversation WITHOUT bringing up your history or opinion. Stop worrying about how you look. Start talking about them. Drug rehab is a perfect place to start. Lots of people you do not know. Lots of people, with time on their hands, a captive group for you to practice on. Make some new real friend in rehab today.

Everybody dealing with an addiction or an addicted family member wants “the answer”. Just tell me what to do. Unfortunately this type of thinking, when dealing with drug rehab usually does not work. It is easier to explain if I use a sports analogy. If you look at the great and winning football and baseball teams, the both have something in common. They control the game. Sometimes they are almost boring.

There have been many amazing homeruns and “hail mary” passes over the years. The bottom of the ninth, or fourth and ten with one minute left in the game sort of thing. They are really fun to watch and we all talk about them for days. The important question is, “How are most games won?” Most runs are scored from a single, that was bunted over to second. Someone else hit an opposite field single and brought the man home. Most touchdowns are from controlling the ball over time. Taking 4 yards runs. Taking 6 yard passes. Most games are won by less dramatic, but effective plays.

Attending a drug rehab program is very similar to this. Admitting you have an addiction is a clear and defining event. It is not however a touchdown. You have a lot of small plays to complete before you get to spike the ball. Getting up early, EVERY MORNING, even when you really do not feel like it. Doing all the exercises, in the drug rehab program, even the yoga. Looking for a new place to live, not knowing anyone in the area. Going back to school, to learn what you really want to be. Going to the gym every day, to rebuild your health.

Drug rehab is a game that can be won. It is not something that is unattainable for any one. It is VERY SELDOM won with one swing of the bat. It is usually won in extra innings, by a single driving in the winning run.

When a family member is in drug rehab, what can the family being doing while they are there?  What does quality support for someone in drug rehab look like?  What are a few of the most important things you can do to help?  Everyone wants rehab to be successful.  Everyone wants to move past the pain and difficulties an addiction causes within a family.  However, even with good intentions, it does not happen in a high enough percentage of the cases.  So what are some things family members can do to raise that percentage of success towards a higher number?

The first one is so obvious it really does not occur to most people.  You need to start to take care of yourself.  You might want to consider some basic exercise and relaxation techniques.  Getting your loved one into drug and alcohol rehab was most likely an exhausting and long experience.  Before that, I am sure you had many sleepless nights.  You need to restore yourself.  Many of the poor phone calls between a family member in drug rehab and someone home in the family are simply because neither party is rested.  In the first few weeks after stopping use of a drug or alcohol the sleeping pattern has not yet turned back to normal.  Staring a new drug rehab program is stressful.  So if you have a tired stressed client phoning an exhausted family member, it can lead to poor communication.

Just as it is a new start for the person in rehab, it also can be a new start for the family members as well.  Get some rest.  Go for some walks.  Spend  a few minutes a day reading something calm and inspirational.  Eat some healthier foods.  The week before as you were making final arrangements for drug rehab you probably lived off of coffee and fast food. You cannot offer support if you have none to give yourself.  I will present a few more ideas in a couple of days, but start with yourself, which is always the best place to start.